Is My Family Unique In Its Hypocrisy? – DO AS I SAY NOT AS I DO:

Oct 25, 2016

QUESTION:

In my family, there’s a lot of talk about how everyone has the right to choose which path they want to take in life, whether it comes to choosing a life partner or a career. But it’s all just talk. When my sister and I want to do anything that goes against my parents’ plans for us, all hell breaks loose. Mom threatens to stop eating. Dad raves and rants about ungrateful children. We feel like we are in the eye of a storm right now as my sister is dating someone not deemed ‘suitable’ and I want to work in the hospitality industry, not deemed ‘respectable’ by our parents. Are all families like this or we unique in this hypocrisy?

ANSWER:

Communication within a family is a treasured commodity. Whether it is open, direct and honest or slightly boastful, manipulative and hypocritical… communication is not always present so when it is, we have to appreciate that we have something to work with. When it comes to South Asian parents being open to supporting a child’s hopes, dreams and aspirations, sometimes it’s not always unconditional and followed through. People don’t always agree with the life choices that need to be made. Both parents and children will use whatever is in their arsenal to get the other person to agree to what they want. Like a mom not eating or a dad berating his kids but in the end, there is still dialogue taking place and eventually there will be a solution. If you want your parents to support your decisions then you have to tell them about it and start the arduous process to make sure that they understand where they walk the walk and talk the talk. Hold them to it regardless of their threats. Every parent has a plan for their child until reality rears its head and the plan gets thrust aside for what is important… making sure that your child has the best chance of living a good life full of the right choices for them and no regrets. I was pretty lucky since the rules were pretty clear in my house. But I still had to shake things up a bit. I desperately wanted to go to university and my dad didn’t want me to go. I had to convince him that this was the right path for me to choose and I did it by not talking to him. It broke my heart but it worked. In the end communication is a twoway street, if you don’t want hypocrisy in your family then you need to step up and have a conversation about the choices you are making regarding your own life and start involving them in your reality rather than their fantasy of what the future looks like for the two of you… from here it looks pretty bright. Good luck!

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