I Don’t Want An Arranged Marriage – NOT READY TO CATCH THE BOUQUE

Sep 22, 2016

QUESTION:

Is there such a thing as a ‘marriage season’? If you heard the talk around our dinner table at home, you would certainly think so! As the summer heats up, so does talk of weddings. Of kids of friends, of kids of friends of friends, of kids of family back in India…and in all the talk of what to wear and what to give as gifts, there is the hidden sub text. When is their daughter – guess who! – going to get married. I am not ready to settle down yet, but when I am, I hope to find my own partner. I do not want to one to be found for me, I don’t want an arranged marriage, but it is getting harder to ignore all the subtle and not so subtle hints.

ANSWER:

Everyone loves a wedding! It’s the conversation as old as time, the “marriage talk”. In our culture there are definitely not-so-subtle whispers and sense of urgency of “when, when”. It doesn’t matter what time of the year it is, your parents will be throwing out the hints that “beti, it is time” as soon as they think you’re old enough to “find the one” for you. They are also probably facing lots of pressure from their family asking them when you will be the one to get married and there is a happy occasion for them to celebrate. If you are hoping to find your own partner and not have your family find one for you – you probably want to have that conversation sooner rather than later. Especially when all the other people your age are taking the plunge. Plus, its not always easy to find a match and it’s best to have all the options on the table so you can make a decision that is right for you. It will also be helpful for your parents to know your thoughts so they can assist you on this journey. And to answer your question, yes there is a marriage season and the multi-billion dollar bridal industry will call it a year-round season although we all seem to have full calendars in the height of summer! I know mine is packed with not one but two family weddings – my nephew first and then my niece. Ironically it was a mere five years ago that it was my wedding though it took many years to get there! It was a difficult conversation for me to have with my parents, patient they were not! I was open to try matrimonial ads, online Shaadi sites, introductions, etc.. I was creative too, I convinced my friends to invite all their single guy friends to their parties in hopes of finding a suitable match – if there was, I would treat my friend to a spa day. But no luck! It took time for me to find my own partner (soulmate) but he was definitely worth the wait!

 

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